🚗 Why Do Drivers Act Strangely Around Learners?

Calm Instructor’s Perspective on Understanding, Not Blaming

Have you ever been in the car with a learner driver when suddenly another vehicle cuts in, tailgates, or overtakes aggressively? It’s unsettling—not just for the learner, but for the instructor trying to maintain calm and focus.

At The Calm Instructor, we believe behaviour change starts with understanding, not confrontation. So instead of asking “What’s wrong with people?”, we ask:

“What’s going on for them?”

In this blog, we’ll explore why experienced drivers sometimes behave oddly—or even dangerously—around learner drivers, what’s happening in their minds, and how we as instructors can help reduce the impact on our learners. We’ll also offer some practical strategies learners can use to stay grounded when other road users make things more difficult.

🧠 What’s Really Going On?

The Psychology Behind the Behaviour

Strange and impatient behaviour around learners is more common than we’d like. But it’s rarely about the learner personally. It’s usually about the biases and assumptions in the minds of experienced drivers:

1. Optimism Bias

Many drivers overestimate their own skill and underestimate the risks around them. They assume “I’d never need that much time to pull away” or “I wouldn’t hold people up like that”—so they assume the learner shouldn’t either.

This unrealistic expectation leads to frustration or risky choices, like overtaking at the wrong moment or tailgating to ‘push them along’.

2. Fundamental Attribution Error

People often blame others’ behaviour on personality, not context.

For example:

• “That learner is in my way because they’re slow and clueless.”

Rather than:

• “That learner is new, learning, and trying their best.”

We tend to excuse our own mistakes (“I was tired,” “I had a lot on my mind”) but rarely extend that same grace to others.

3. Impatience Bias (Time Pressure & Stress)

Drivers under pressure—late for work, stuck in traffic, or just having a bad day—are more likely to act out. Learners can unintentionally become targets because they’re easy to spot, and their driving naturally involves slower decision-making.

4. Deindividuation

When people are behind the wheel, especially in traffic, they can become disconnected from empathy. It’s easier to act rudely toward “a car” than toward “a person.” Seeing a red L plate doesn’t always trigger compassion—it may, sadly, trigger annoyance.

🚙 How Instructors Can Help

Creating Calm in a Chaotic World

While we can’t control other drivers, we can help learners feel safe, capable, and emotionally regulated. Here’s how:

✅ 1. Normalise It

Let learners know early on: “Other drivers might behave unpredictably. That’s not your fault. You’re learning, and they’ve forgotten what that feels like.”

Set realistic expectations that not everyone will be kind—but that we’ll handle it together.

✅ 2. Debrief, Don’t Dwell

When something stressful happens, use calm language:

• “That was unfortunate, wasn’t it? What do you think was going on for that driver?”

  
  

This helps learners shift from emotional reaction to reflective thinking, giving them a sense of control.

✅ 3. Stay Regulated Yourself

Your response is the blueprint they copy. If you stay grounded, it reassures them. Breathing deeply, softening your tone, and offering supportive body language can work wonders during high-pressure moments.

✅ 4. Use It as a Learning Opportunity

Ask:

• “What could we do differently next time?”

• “What’s within our control in that situation?”

Reframing it as learning, not failure, helps restore confidence.

💡 Strategies for Learners

Staying Calm When Others Aren’t

🟢 The Power of the Pause

It’s okay to take a moment. If someone’s honking or revving behind you, pause, breathe, and continue only when you feel ready. You don’t owe anyone speed—only safety.

🟢 Control the Controllable

You can’t change their mood, but you can keep your hands steady, check your mirrors, and stick to your plan. That’s the real power.

🟢 Use Affirmations

Encourage your learner to create a phrase they can return to when rattled:

• “I’m learning, and that’s okay.”

• “My pace is safe for me.”

Saying it (even quietly in their head) can reset their focus.

🟢 Understand That It’s Not About You

This is perhaps the most powerful insight of all. Other drivers’ actions are about them, not you. The way people act around learners often reveals more about their own mindset than your ability.

💬 Final Thought: From Frustration to Compassion

At The Calm Instructor, we hold space for learners to grow through discomfort. We don’t excuse poor driving behaviour, but we do seek to understand it—because when we understand something, we’re less likely to pass it on.

Let’s raise learners who not only pass their test, but who become calm, emotionally intelligent road users—no matter what chaos might be happening around them.

✨ You don’t have to fix the world. Just help one learner feel safe in it.